There are four main principals that one must consider when living with others. These have been thought about but not carefully listed. You will need to do some basic work to implement the necessities that are required.
The basic are that how one lives dictates the quality of their life. When someone that is supposed to be your equal is always trying to destroy you either emotionally or mentally than there is a power imbalance.
If both people strive to be equals without always trying to do better than each other unless under the pre-arranged conditions, then the basics of how to live can be as such.
- Maintain Peace
- How you communicate matters
- Showing consideration, kindness, love
- Equal terms
However if one person were to deliberately try to keep the bar so low that the other person could not rise from feeling oppressed, then there is a power imbalance that needs addressed.
In the event that a person does not wish to keep the peace because of a lack of interest in the other person, then moving away is advisable. There are however some situations that another person wishes to manipulate, control, or abuse someone else for their specific purposes. Cases in which someone holds someone else at their will and refuses to allow them to do better for themselves while trying to harm their future.
When two parties are no longer willing to be civilized towards each other, then it’s time to negotiate. However it’s always best that this negotiation be done before the situation escalates into becoming a hostile situation.
- Restore Peace
- Handle Both Sides as Equals
- Rebuild Status Quo
The problem here is that if one group doesn’t want to be better and wants to hold the other person down, and keep them feeling low and worthless. When this happens then there becomes an issue of are they really willing to do that to themselves also? If they are not willing to be subjected to the same conditions that other person is having to deal with? That would be a case that there is a problem of power imbalance.
When someone strives diligently to destroy a persons sense of self, or to humiliate someone there is always problems. Sometimes people do or say things that seem unkind and no doubt if we understood their point of view we could see how they are valid in being listened to.
There is however an important point here. That chiefly is that when someone is cruel, harsh, and really hurts your feelings with devastating blows to your self esteem then these issues need to be brought out and pointed out to other person that they are being assholes. One important point here is to remember not to find someone else weaker or less strong to take your punishments out on. Stop passing aggression in all forms.
This is especially true in creative works. An artist does things that people either love or hate. If you love them then you’re most likely being kind towards them. However if you hate them, then your frame of mind is automatically geared towards being cruel. In matters of artistic expression if you can not be kind, then it’s best to keep your mouth shut about it.
There is however need for constructive feedback and input to the artist that wants to grow. This is because if these things are withheld then you’re breaking the rules of the above text. Doing this through keeping someone stuck in a low level without room for growth. Which hurts your chances of keep the peace long term.
Objections must be handled carefully. If someone asks your opinion then be honest while still being kind. Suggest how it may be done better, or what alternative options that the artist may have in the creative process.
Objections To Abuse
Outright abuse should be dealt with. The problem in most situations is that the abuse doesn’t start out that way. Often they start out seeming innocent and only gets worse as the years go forward. It starts with abuse from our parents and then to the hand of those we trust and love in future relationships.
The solution is fix these problems of abuse at the family level for future generations so that these things do not grow into epidemics and mass scale problems that are extremely difficult to solve.
That aside, objections must be made for those who repeatedly step on, crush, and take an oppressive stand against us. Preventing someone from living a rich and rewarding life is oppressive. If someone deliberately is trying to harm your future, stand up for yourself and while you can still keep the peace.
These are some basic ideas, that should be thought about, talked about, and carefully considered and weighed as to what is best for everyone.
Keys To Remember
- Never over react.
- Do not start physical violence
- Be humble
What makes a great relationship? What qualities does a person look for when choosing someone to marry or date, or live with? Most people that are young look for the most fun, the best looking, and the ones that make them feel the best.
There are however other things to take into consideration. Some of the items that we need to consider are can I trust them? Do they have similar goals, and will they be good to me in the long run?
Some people believe that the least painful relationships are the very best, since there is no pain it’s the most pleasurable. However any relationship will always cause us some pain in today’s world and system of things.
So we have to ask what pains we are willing to tolerate? A relationship has to be built on just a few very important principals. Namely those of trust, respect, honesty, and kindness. Notice that I’m not using the word love in this list of principles. That is because if the principles that are necessary are present then a reasonable person would feel the love based upon the way they are treated.
Mutual respect is important. Without this respect no key of love will ever really unlock the persons heart and mind. When you really love someone for all that they are, you want to use that key to unlock their whole personality to know everything.
This however could cause some level of pain in knowing the other person this well and knowing what their weakness and faults are. For a relationship to be successful, there has to be a period of time that develops trust and mutual respect. Without this period of time of several years being built in peace and understanding, the relationship will fail.
There has to be trust, and there has to be a period of years that trust is developed and learned, and growing that trust into something that is a loving and kind relationship.
Both people in the relationship have to learn how to control responses to things like fear, hate, rage, jealousy, and strife.
Are the least painful relationships the happiest? Everyone wants the maximum happiness with the least amount of pain. But isn’t any relationship painful at some point in life? These may be important questions to ask ourselves about how and what pain we want to allow in our lives.
This will require additional thinking and meditation of what is best. Maybe it’s about our perception of what we want to tolerate in our spouse and ourselves as beings. I think if there is some discomfort but mutual respect the situation is better for everyone. But women have this fictional idea of what love is without understanding that it’s a two way street. Respect is essential. Trust is something that has to be absolute, without those keys nothing will work right.
Thoughts About Respect
A woman that doesn’t respect her man isn’t equals with him, does that mean it’s a bad match? Having peace is important while having fun, boredom isn’t any fun, but how much is enough and when does what is get boring and make room for other things that are different? Then there has to be some line on what the lines should be. There are things that are painful like being lied to or about, or being deceived while under the guise of love.
Some people do extremely cruel things through covert methods of emotional abuse while maintaining perfect illusion of peace. Some people may do things that physically hurt but are consensual!
There has to be trust. There has to be self control in mind. Self mastery is important and how does one acquire such skill without training?
Then there are thinks like learning how to control responses to situations, things like how to deal with fear and hatred, and jealousy, and strife, and what makes a man?
There are other issues here to. Things like what kind of future one wants and if both people share a common goal of what kind of future they want.
Looks aren’t as important as attitude and skill. Being able to be on the same page and level as beings.
Peaceful emotional torture may be more painful than being physically hurt that is temporary. Then it has to be taken into consideration what the motives of both people have been.
Love covers a multitude of sins. And at the end of the day, everyone we love winds up hurting us either emotionally or physically, so what are we willing to forgive as beings? Someone that has never suffered greater than an emotional unkind word would be devastated by a slap in the face. Too those who are kind, be kind. There are areas to be pondered, I would rather have an honest enemy than a friend that lies. The problem is about loyalty that can not be bought, sold, or traded.
Everyone has a breaking point, but don’t break things you can not fix, you know. The point is to heal people from the depression and emotional pain that they feel while making people that are kind in thought and deed. To appreciate the good one only needs the fear of the bad.
But all things change and what is best for some people is another mans hell. It’s about mutual respect in how we want to be treated. Sometimes there are only two choices, to stay or to leave. Emotional pain can be some of the worst. You are likely very special if you have lived my life and walked in my shoes this far. It’s been rough, it’s been a lot of blood and pain. A lot of hurt and sadness. But nothing replaces respect for each other.
“They use neglect and indifference because they are more effective and they know they could never get away with outright violence.” – Enderson