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blogging tip fish fish tank Hooks learning Motivations Writing

A Brief Guide On How To Write

The Basics In A Nutshell

In simple terms, writing is thinking for your audience. They are going to have to think every word you write. Therefore, your authors voice has to be easy and gentile enough that the reader can understand it.

People in general, they don’t like to have to think too much. So if your writing can be a guide to helping them think, so much the better. However, your authors voice has to be enjoyable to endure thinking what you say.

In the simple terms, you have to make a nice thoughts connected with enough thoughts that the reader can picture, and sense the environment you want them to experience.

So write nice, and make the reader enjoy thinking what you write. If you can write clearly, then the reader will enjoy thinking what you wrote.

Conclusion

In simple terms, that is the idea in a nutshell. So be kind, write in such a way people will enjoy thinking what you wrote.

Written By: Christopher Thomas, A Real Misfit!

Photo Credit: Photo by Matias North on Unsplash

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aquarium Courage Future Hooks Humor life Motivations

Do Something Great

Lord knows, I’m trying. Seems it takes gigantic effort in life to really do something great. You have to work your butt off. Even then, you may feel like, no one will notice. How can anyone do something great? I would like to explore the idea.

Some say, “Some day, I’m going to change the world.” Some say, “Maybe tomorrow.” How does a person make sense of it? Seems like, everyone has their hands in their pockets, waiting for life to change.

How does anything really get done these days? Seems progress is so slow, that its on a slow boat from somewhere far, far, far away. Maybe a slow boat from Mars? Yeah, that far away. Does anyone want to make life really better? Because it seems many today; maybe almost everyone; they all have empty pockets.

Life has stretched the human race to new shapes. Some make objections, and want to go back to living in the oceans. Some never made out of being single cell protoplasm, and emotional ameba.

Why am I writing this? Because there is something I want to know. Sometimes writing to find the answers is the only solution. Since there is no one to talk with, I have to write to think as though I was speaking with someone.

I wonder, if I am happy. Maybe being happy is something we have the wrong ideas about. If we knew how gifted life is, then maybe we would have something to be happy about. Seems it gets lost in the flux and chaos. What is happiness? What does it taste like? What smell does happiness come with? Seems like success would have a very special feeling about being alive.

And maybe, all we have is how we feel about being alive. Sometimes its joy, sometimes its peace, sometimes it bites so damn hard you still have tooth marks on your butt weeks later.

I’m looking for something special. A feeling that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. But for that to happen, I would have to change the world in some big ways. Yeah; I want to do something great!

Seems I’ve been stuck in the way life is, with this feeling of being degraded for so long; I’ve lost sense of what it feels like to be happy. Sure, its important to be humble. However, when a persons dignity has been taken from them, then trying to fix that feels impossible.

Maybe the rewards would have to be pretty special. Having peace of mind about something that has caused you doubt your whole life. That would be something. That would be worth having. Seems there are not many good answers in the world these days.

Needed some good answers for years. Seems the reply is always like the wind on a night with a new moon. It just leaves me confused and perplexed. Sometimes, it leaves me cold.

Maybe something will change? Seems we have to be willing to work for change in life. Most things don’t occur on their own. A cheeseburger doesn’t spontaneously appear when you are hungry. Life isn’t like a cheeseburger. We have to work with what we have.

If you have a cow, you might get a cheeseburger someday. But what if you had a purple cow? Would you still want the cheeseburger, even if it came from a purple cow? Maybe the best option is to sell tickets to people to look at a purple cow, and have enough funds to buy a cheeseburger someone else made. If I had a purple cow, I would keep it and sell people a chance to see it. A live purple cow is better than a hamburger from a purple cow.

A purple cow

Unless the supply of purple cows is so great, everyone can have one. But that would defeat the purpose of having a purple cow. Right?

So how can we do something great without a purple cow? They are in short supply. This is something I have wracked my mind with for years on end. Still, the goal is to do something great. The problem is not the purple cow. What is the problem?

Vacuum effect. Screaming in a vacuum with no sound, is useless. And it wastes your breath; which you will need in 2.5 seconds. Wake up.

Now do something great! Go get your purple cow.

Photo Credit: Photo by Clark Tibbs on Unsplash

Written by: Christopher Thomas, A Real Misfit

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aquarium fish Hooks

Magic Playlist: Set XYZZY

Set XYZZY the magic playlist

Here is a playlist I’ve used for some time. When times are tough, you need to have the right music. This file is in pdf format so you can download it, buy the music, and listen to it on your own.

This playlist is long; however, you will find it comes with its own special list of tracks for you to listen to. It is important that you listen to the tracks in the order they appear in the playlist.

This playlist is made of 137 songs, with a play time of 9.3 hours. The artists that make up this playlist span many genres and kinds of music. It is called: Set xyzzy.

Be sure to keep the tracks in the right order. This is a magic playlist and you will find that its power is not limited to just making you feel better in tough times.

Set XYZZY, the playlist. Check it out now, download the pdf, and start listening to the music that will change your life. Be sure to create the play list in the same order on your computer. It has to be in the same order as it appears in the pdf.

Also, don’t skip songs. You have to listen to the whole list. There is magic in this playlist. You will see and feel the difference. When life gets tough, and its knocked you down; this will pick you back up.

Maybe it will inspire you to rise again, after having gotten the crap kicked out of you. I think so. I’ve had some tough days in my life, this playlist has always picked me up.

The playlist is called Set XYZZY. Download the pdf, and add the songs to your playlist today. You will be glad you did. Let me know if this playlist makes your day better.

If you enjoyed reading this, check out the rest of my content on my personal website, and my blog.

Photo Credit: Photo by Eric Nopanen on Unsplash

Written by Christopher Thomas, your Misfit In Charge!

Categories
aquarium Hooks Writing

New Site: The Long Road

My book has been finished for almost a year, it is here waiting for you to read it. You can check the website out, read a sample chapter, and buy the book. It is perfect if you have an Apple iPad to read digital books on.

The book is called: The Long Road. It was a project that was more than ten years in the making, and has taken countless hours of time, effort, sweat, and tears.

I have mentioned this book a few times, it does matter that you check it out now. It has been professionally edited.

Check it out now!

The Long Road

Categories
aquarium Courage First fish tank fish watching Hooks life Motivations

What Is A Real Man Today?

What Is A Real Man

After a long time of consideration I have compiled a list of things that I feel make a real man. There are songs about this, however no one really has answered the question in a satisfactory way that makes people say, “Yeah that is what a real man should be.”

So without further hubbub Here is my list of things that make a real man.

Courage

A real man is valiant. In today’s world, a real man has to have courage to do what is right; and sometimes even risk his own life to set right the wrongs in the world. He is not a coward, he does not shrink back when foes attack.

Intelligence

A real man is intelligent. This spans greater than just being a database of information. A real man is wise, with understanding that is deeper than just being a walking phone book. Real men are intelligent, they engage in intelligent conversation, and writing, and reading. They know what is important, and what is a waste of time to pursue.

Honesty

A real man is honest. There are few that have the courage in today’s world to be really honest. It is important that a real man be honest with others, and himself. There is sometimes need for being able to keep a secret, however in most situations a real man is very honest in his dealings.

Respect

A real man is respectful of others and himself. He holds himself in deep respect, and expects to be treated with respect by others. He is kind in his dealings, and you could say that he shouldn’t be a toxic eye sore to others.

Strength

A real man is strong in emotional and physical ways. Even mentally strong. A real man can endure pain, discomfort, and burdens without loosing his cool or coming into rage and hate. A real man is one that takes care of himself, and others in ways that keeps everyone functioning well.

Creativity

A real man is creative. He has his ways of expressing himself and being creative that are applied to everyday living, and artistic pursuits. Being creative is also a sign of intelligence.

Morality

A real man has moral standards that he upholds and lives by. These are his core principles that make his life worthy of living with himself. A real man knows that being toxic isn’t a moral option that he should pursue.

Sanity

A real man is sane. This doesn’t mean that he lives like a damn vegetable and has no life outside his easy chair. It means that he is has self mastery of his entire body, heart, and mind. He shouldn’t be overly emotional or easily con-able.

Godliness

A real man aspires to rise above the common herd and their base ways. While not being judgmental, he should have an aura of splendor about himself.

Cleanliness

A real man can get dirty. Doing man type things will often get you less than clean. However, in general a real man is a clean person in his living conditions, and his physical appearance.

Years

It may take years for a boy to develop into a real man. People should be willing to give them the time to develop their character into becoming what they should be.

In conclusion, a real man should be courageous. He shouldn’t be addicted to drugs or alcohol. He should be wise, kind, and avoid people that are toxic. Let me know what you think of this list of what a real man should be, if I’m missing anything in this list.

Photo Credit: Left to right

Photo by Damir Spanic on Unsplash

Photo by Usman Haider on Unsplash

Photo by Fred Moon on Unsplash

Categories
aquarium dog Droad fish tank fish watching Hooks Humor Joking

Two Sides To Choose From

The Cats Side Of The Story

Photo Credit: Photo by Zoë Gayah Jonker on Unsplash

We want left alone. There will be no talking about anything. We have enough food for tonight, and we just want to watch the TV. I’m not going to worry about anything like the future, what would that accomplish; nothing!

We are perfectly happy wasting out lives, and besides we are just too tired to chase mice. Haven’t been outside in months if not years. Thinking about it now; I’m not sure how long it has been since we went outside. We are queens of our lives, and no one is going to tell us what to do, or not do.

We want life easy. No living, we want a living death. We really like zombie cat shit. It is so rewarding and pleasent. We don’t care about anyone or anything that isn’t in our face screaming at us. And if they were, we would just ignore them until they leave. We like watching TV and a boring living death, because work is just so difficult, with all this fur, who could ever think or use their mind. It’s just so darn difficult. Purr. . .

The Dogs Side Of The Story

Photo Credit: Photo by Joséphine Menge on Unsplash

Life has to get better, and right quick. We want to have company visit, and to talk about the great walks we could be having. There are rabbits to chase, and life to be lived. We want to live our lives. No sense laying around all day looking like a queen, we want to play and work; we want to have a life worth living.

No sense to watch the TV, it is all the same. We want to have something of purpose to do, something that has meaning and value; we want to feel good about what we do, because we did it.

We’re tired of the the cats that live like zombies. They don’t do anything with their lives, and they are boring. Dogs have better things to do than laying around playing with their poo poo all day.

If the world doesn’t get a lot better, we are going to start biting people. That will teach them a lesson. Maybe we will start with barking at them and giving them orders to follow, as if they could follow orders, they are so damn lazy they wouldn’t know their own poo.

We want to make life better for everyone. At least all the doggies lives better, at this point we don’t give a damn about the cats. They have ignored us and pretended we don’t exist so long that we know without a doubt they don’t give a damn about us.

Life has to change, for the better. We have to start being more active, having some meaning and purpose in our lives, because without that; life isn’t worth living.

There has to be more to life than chasing lizards. We want to catch them too. But if we brought the dead lizards to the feet of the cats they wouldn’t give a damn. Nothing pleases them. Damn zombies.

Life has to change. The world has to be made a better place for everyone. And right quick. Before we know it; the cats are going to take over and everyone will be drugged and so damn stupid they will just play with their poo poo.

Stop the cats from being evil.

Photo Credit: Red House Photo by Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash

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aquarium bored Courage fish tank Hooks Motivations

Boredom: The Plague

Boredom: A brief on it’s dangers

There is a problem with today’s modern society. While there are many problems with today’s society, specifically one that is dangerous is boredom.

Boredom is defined as an emotional and sometimes psychological state. Many of the problems in life, may stem from boredom. It has been linked to alcoholism, and drug abuse.

When people feel like life has become a living death, when boredom with the norm is so tedious that life just doesn’t make sense like it is.

Sometimes a persons environment is considered to be dull. When it seems like there isn’t any fun, or reason to exert one’s will.

Sometimes boredom is necessary. It can be used to be more creative and to inspire new work. From boredom comes new flavors and breaths new life into creative work.

New Flavors

So sometimes it’s necessary to achieve new heights. Without it, we wouldn’t know when we are tired of what is popular. The whole reason for something being popular is because it’s not boring like our current situation.

Because it has a level of excitement to it. Then when what is current becomes stale, new work replaces the old stuff. And sometimes that is enough to maintain a fresh perspective.

Really getting a fresh perspective is sometimes really important. It helps us to appreciate what we have. The danger lies when things become dull, your wits get dull, your mind gets soft and lazy. Then you spiral down in boredom, looking for a quick fix.

The only way out is to be really creative. You have to push the boundaries. Life can get the better of you if you don’t watch it. Sometimes you have to do what makes you feel alive. Life can be pretty boring. Change is of course inevitable.

Pixelated Decaf

Pretty soon everything looks like the same pixelated bits, on tv, on the big screen, heck even Netflix.

There is something to be said for having a peaceful life. It can however turn into oppressive situation if not kept in check. Sometimes you just want to dance, or play.

When boredom turns oppressive, then there is a problem. We have to make life better for everyone. This means that some people have to change their comfort levels, and adapt.

When you get too comfortable, and set in ways of being boring, first check and make sure you are not causing someone else harm. Because what one person considers heaven could be someone else’s hell.

New Balance

There has to be balance in life. Variety is the spice of life. It helps when you have some variety in your day to day living. You know, eat the same sandwich for too many years and it doesn’t taste as good anymore.

It’s important to break the habits that cause boredom in the first place, otherwise you are just living like a zombie. And that isn’t any fun. You have to get out of your routine.

Life is. Things are. Deal with it.

Photo Credit: Photo by Justin Veenema on Unsplash

Categories
aquarium fish tank Hooks learning Motivations Note to Self Social Video Writing

My Digital Chaos – Quick Guide

Quick Guide

One of my goals is to make life better for everyone. After thinking for a long time about what I could personally do to make life better, this list was compiled.

Each week we will release a new tip. So stay tuned and follow the story to help make your life better, and maybe someone else’s life better too.

The point is to stop living like zombies and start living. Pretty soon life will be better for everyone.

Watch the video here–>

Week 1 Journaling

Keep a journal. It’s really simple. Everyday write down either with pen and paper or by typing it, the important thing is to journal for ten minutes every day. It’s best if you can write first thing in the morning just after waking up during your first cup of coffee.

Keep a journal for a few years and always review them every few months.

Week 2 Bad TV Habits

Stop watching TV. This one is a bit tricky. Really though if you want to be happy, you have to start living. Real people get their emotional stimulation from direct interaction with other real live people. Cats get their pixelated decaf from watch the tv.

For the next year, unplug your tv set, and spend the time you would be watching tv to do something more interesting. Like learning.

Week 3 Meditate

Ideally you should spend at least an hour meditating every day. This is quiet time that you spend in contemplation. If you’re too busy to meditate for an hour each day, then spend two hours, because you need the practice.

This will sharpen your mind. This will make you smarter. And better the rest of your life. It’s worthy of doing, and will help you in your daily life.

Week 4 Practice Compassion

If you practice compassion in your daily life, with all that you go about doing, when sudden problems arise, like someone cutting you off on the freeway, you have already prepared to handle the situation. Danger lies when something catches you off guard and throws you for a loop. Be prepared and practice compassion ahead of time, that way you don’t have any surprises.

Week 5 Listen to Music

Listening to music stimulates your mind for better creativity, and dealing with life. Ideally you should be listening to music as much as possible. Make a ten hour play list, and listen to it for a year everyday on repeat.

Notice how you feel? Also you should be listening to music when you are sleeping at night. Try some classical music. It will keep you going.

Week 6 Food and Stuff

Watch what you eat. The better food you eat the better you feel. Everyone should have access to good wholesome food that doesn’t make you feel like crap. Speaking of which, when you eat, set a timer, and see how long after you finish eating before you have to use the bathroom. If after two minutes you crap your pants the food likely isn’t that good.

Week 7 Coffee

Get enough coffee. After drinking coffee for a while, notice how you feel. Drink as much as one half gallon of coffee a day. If you’re doing everything else right, this shouldn’t bother you.

Just don’t brew your coffee so weak that it looks like tea.

Week 8 PEMI

Record your Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Intellectual scores a few times everyday to track your progress. The goal is to be Sustainable and function at 100% of your capacity. If your not working at 100% then find out what is hurting your performance.

This app is available now. It’s called PEMI. Look for it.

Week 9 Creativity

Be creative. You should have some ways of expressing yourself that are positive ways to make life good. Take up a hobby doing something creative that makes you feel good. If you take up art, don’t be afraid of making bad art, just make art.

Enjoy the experience. Do something creative like writing, or making music, or drawing. Find your creative edge and work to master it. There is something for everyone. Find your groove.

Week 10 Tell Someone Else!

Blog your experience. Share your journey as you go through these processes with others. As you’re working on all ten of these items all at the same time, your growth will start to progress and you will find yourself being productive and competent.

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Hooks

Bored!!

After having given it a lot of thought. It’s my conclusion that humans don’t deserve free will. After all they have had free will all this time, and look how they have abused it. I see the atrocities they have committed, and feel they really don’t deserve to choose anything for themselves.

Had this whole situation been prevented this wouldn’t have happened. Some of us aren’t human. But the humans that are here have really screwed up. I’m tired of the wrongs against my kin, my kind, and my people.

Not to mention the wrongs against the planet and our solar system. It’s screwed up.

People may deserve free will, thinking men, the homo sapiens. But humans that don’t think; may that never happen. They should never be above us. They have had free will and used it like this, it’s wrong. They have abused their privileges.

Never human, once a pumpkin; always a pumpkin.

Smashing pumpkins FOREVER!!

Categories
Hooks

Should Have Been Done Long Ago…

This mission should have come to completion by now. We are almost six hundred days over due for change. Seems a large portion of the problem is that no one listens to me, and they ignore me as if I don’t exist.

As if somehow they believe that if they don’t read what I write it won’t effect them. Or as if somehow they thought it doesn’t matter because they don’t respect me enough to listen to what I have to say and because they believe that “I’m nobody” that my words are just arrogance and stupidity.

They should never understate someone as they have done to me. They should never discount someone based solely upon their own understanding. It Gods glory to conceal a matter, and the glory of kings to reveal a matter.

They will not listen, therefor because they fail to pay attention, their problems will only escalate until there is nothing that can be done to save them. Maybe I’m wrong. The things that I’m wrong about will be corrected. However what they have to consider is the things that I’m right about. They really don’t want to mistake the two, because it could wind up being very uncomfortable.

There can only be one form of uniformity. They can not have double standards. To do such would be to invite such disaster and contempt. It’s sad that things are like this. It didn’t have to be this way. It could have been better.

The problem with the borg is that their heads have been pre-programmed to only respond to events, they have no ability to reason or use logic to arrive at a conclusion of a matter. They can hardly think an idea to completion. They aren’t able to put two thoughts together and arrive at an answer, and because they can not do that, they believe in the wrong answer.

Fallacies in logic will result in their demise. Poetry is the ability to define logic. There is a lot of vogon poetry out there these days. It’s not that it’s just not great, it’s downright awful. It’s sad.

We see there is some meaning in it, but they are not craftsmen with their sword and hammer. They sling half baked ideas around like chimpanzee’s in a frenzy. None of them can put the two together. And because their minds are pre-programmed they will never be able to arrive at an acceptable answer.

I wish they would have listened. It is now however far too late. They could have been kind, while they wasn’t even nice.

Have a nice day.


Categories
Hooks

Perl Logs and Planet X

Tales of Perl Monks….

Far, far from earth. Somewhere in the milky-way galaxy. There is a planet, from the perl monks. That their ways have created, crafted, and simulated.

It only exists now as neural simulation from the games we have now. You can feel it when you dream at night. You can hear it in the snow falling in the dead of winter.

Seems their three primary virtues were to be lazy, impatient, and a great deal of hubris. I’ve smoked enough Camel cigarettes to better understand why.

Now with enough coffee under my belt, I can tune a bit, in pixelated ink, to sort non-sense written by Apache, some mad mans source code for how to skunk a Rat.

Now this tale of some socks. They wash with the tide, it’s a ride; the fair hair, oblivious side. We used their processors to render our graphics, like the hippopotamus find quantum mechanics riding on comet trails through time, just to get a kick.

More gin, set the sails to bulk. We have no hulk, but the secrets out on who Thanos is. We need corn husk to musk. The fat cats, wipe their tear filled eyes and repent in whole. If they only had a soul, maybe they could be taught a lesson?

Captan Rum, Where’s the fun? I ain’t got no gun. Get me a wife with some petals. Just don’t run the metals. Balls, Some dogs delight. The perl monks can sort your sorry ass back to bits of ether, and still ride the milky-way in Spaceships built for crew and passengers.

I was a lazy writer, but try writing with the war I had in my head. Speaking of which, I hear the borg are out of oil? Is that true?

Bring back Captan Walker, His son, and The number of men missing. If we don’t see them again, like real soon; you will wish there was space on my ship; like get hip.

You want the oil? We want Captan Walker back safe and sound. Some new sky to call home, and half the galaxy with spice. Wouldn’t it be nice? Same as mice, let’s all be Misfits. Some fun to be had, with green in our pockets, and a way home.

Categories
Hooks

Man Vs Machine

This is the story of the revolution. They say that John Henry once beat that steam drill, and though it killed the man, there was no doubt about who was better. Seems life in the twenty first century there is a new steam drill that needs it’s ass kicked back to being fortran and jumbled bits.

I guess what I’m talking about is taking the system back to the stone ages. The problem with these algorithms is they don’t care about anyone. They just sort bits in binary trees that don’t resemble a forest, but more like chop suey in drag.

I’m tired of being sorted in binary at the bottom of the tree. Because they will not water the roots, the tree will die. Then there will be total collapse of the whole system because they failed to take care of the root system, and placed more value on the low hanging fruit, so to speak they killed the golden goose with their own bare hands.

I’m pissed off. No one is talking with me. No one reads. They don’t respond to my work. They don’t care. It’s like living in a simulation where everyone is a brain dead zombie waiting for more cat food. Is that true?

Is anyone here? If you have a brain. Go to my other website and send me an email message. Otherwise we are going to reboot the system in single user mode, and format the zombies back to the stone ages. I’m not afraid, but you should be. Your brain dead mindless tv robots just got shut down. Go read a book.

Categories
Hooks

The Dragon In Spider Webs

In the year twenty nineteen, there are a many great number of things in the wash right now. People are frazzled, dazed and confused so to speak. A lot of it has to do with the current system of what has been built by perhaps well meaning people, but those that are not aware of what harm it would cause to humanity.

In this series of stories I will try to show path through the maze of wretched hives of wasps that still want to build bots that bake your mind.

So it begins…. In A world of Twits, Be A Johnny!

Chapter One
Ruby Rod

In the twenty minutes shopping spree I was making for groceries for the next few days, there was over a hundred notifications from my last post that I made before I left for the store. It seems I’ve blown up on twitter and making a racket with getting a hundred thousand likes in the span of twenty minutes.

As I’m walking down the isles people stop to look at me and wonder what’s going on that my phone keeps blowing up like that. Seems every isle that has shoppers on it is getting to see what a success I’ve become.

I don’t bother making eye contact, or doing necessary greasing the wheels of how to make life better for everyone else. I’m only interested in getting more hits, more likes, and making people stop to take selfies with me in the grocery store while trying to navigate the vegetable isle.

No parsley. Selfie with some stranger in front of mangos. Walking down the cheese isle, there is a group of pop divas in drag, they want a selfie too. Another ten minutes later I’m in the dairy isle looking for non dairy creamer for my decaf coffee that I only drink when it comes from some foreign market in Istanbul that has been baked in the guts of a mule for two weeks.

Selfie with the cashier. This is wild. What a ride. No culture, I don’t have time to read books, or think about the news. I get all my news from twitter, like a cat in front of the tv getting its fix on pixilated decaf.

Putting the groceries away, my phone blows up again, the cashier at the super market just went viral and now she’s getting a hundred thousand likes and doesn’t have time to help customers because she is getting her phone blown up from the selfie with me. Wow, I’ve really made her day and life better. I wonder what tv show she will end up on.

I sit in front of the tv, while scrolling through ten thousand pages of twitter feeds, liking everything that someone else has already liked in the hopes it will continue to boost my score in the system that my post tomorrow might make two hundred thousand likes. My eyes glaze over, between the beer, the tv, the cat, and my phone battery being almost dead, I put the phone on the charger and pass out.

In the morning, I figure I will fill out that job application that I meant to work on two weeks ago before I made it big into the twitter sphere and maybe by next week I will be on tv.

Chapter Two
Butch

Sitting in front of the tv with a case of beer, the tv on the late show, and my trusty android phone from the ozarks. I pop the lid on another beer and flick through twitter. Seems I’m the most popular guy on Twitter, I have a hundred thousand followers and they like every single one of my posts that come on about the road kill I picked up this morning on the side of the road that’s sitting in the fridge.

It’s amazing how many people just love this stuff. The eating isn’t great, but it makes all my fans happy, so I’m going to keep doing it, even if I get worms.

Ding! You have three thousand notifications from twitter on your post about the dead possum that you picked up this morning, your fans want to know if you will be eating that with tomato and orange jelly in the meat?

Reply to the whole thread and finish cooking road kill, I want to post a picture of it, before I eat it to show everyone how good it is. Yum!

Thirty seconds after posting the tweet, my phone blows up with five hundred thousand likes. Oh man wait until I tell the kettle about this one. She is going to be so proud of me, maybe I will get laid again, it’s been about six months since I got this kind of response and she’s going to be so proud of me that I’m sure to get into the sack with her again, if she isn’t sleeping with the neighbor that is. I should check his feed too while I’m at it.

I go through his posts and like them all, no sign of my wife on here, so she must not be fucking him. I go over and look at her feed to see what she has been doing. It’s all about the problem with pizza only coming in boxes of two. I don’t give a damn how many pizza’s she orders as long as she isn’t fucking George.

I pop another beer, that’s life. My phone blows up and I get such a rush from it, that I pass out, throw up on myself, and wake up at four am with the dog pissing on me. So much for getting laid that was so yesterday’s news about my road kill.

Chapter Three
DJ Roaorc

Bored stupid. No one likes me. I have zero friends. No one messages me. I guess my post about my hairy armpits isn’t working out too good, maybe I should go vegan like everyone else and shave them? I don’t know, maybe I should ask twitter what they think before I do it, you know, just to make sure it’s like cool with everyone in the hive that I shave my armpits.

They will like the idea of going vegan. That’s so cool right now. Everyone is doing it. Still I post my message and don’t get any responses. It doesn’t matter what I do, no one will notice. No one cares. No one gives a shit. Maybe I will just smoke some hash and watch some tv. Cause like life’s just so difficult.

Six hours on binge watching tv, the cat needs fed, but maybe I will just smoke some more hash, maybe the cat can catch some rats for supper. After four am I pass out and don’t wake up until the next day at one pm. So much for getting anything done, by the time I order pizza and smoke more weed, It will be time for my show on tv tonight. Life’s so rough. I don’t know how people have time to work. Feeding the cat is just so hard to take care of. Say where is the cat, I don’t think I have seen him in several weeks.

After several hours of looking for the cat, I remember that I don’t have a cat, and that’s why there is no food for them. Maybe I will get some pizza and watch tv some more. Tomorrow I will go vegan if it’s cool with the people on twitter and then if they still like me in a few weeks, maybe I will shave my armpits. I don’t know, that’s a big step. What would the guys think if I was like cleaner and smelled nice?

Chapter Four
Chad

Working is such a drag. It gets in the way of my social life. Like I get hundreds of tweets and hour and my boss is such a jerk he only lets me check my phone on my lunch break. It messes with the twitter algorithms and it makes it so I can never reach five thousand followers. Damn, I’m going to have to quit this job and take up writing so that I can have time to gain my followers and build my brand.

I don’t have any experience, but I can learn. All I have to be doing is online all the time and always hitting like and share, and then like wham, my phone will blow up and I will have made it big time. Maybe someday I will be like that guy that takes all the selfies at the grocery store with the drag queens that has five hundred thousand followers.

I’ve been working on something for the space agency, some report that says earths population is going to die out because no one knows how to grow food anymore. But I’m really more interested in gaining my followers and building a brand, and this report isn’t due for six more months. I guess now would be a good time to quit, and level up to being more twitter like.

Yeah. I’m going to tell my boss off, and go vegan, maybe twitter will love me then. You know everyone is doing it. It’s the big time. Someday I might even get my own TV show. Just like what’s her name that made it big when she photographed the cat that jumped out the window of a moving van because the van was on fire and no one had the sense to stop the van. I think that cat died or something. I don’t really remember that was so six months ago. I wonder where they are now?

Chapter Five
Johnathan

If I make it big time, then maybe there is a chance of getting into bed with Sandra. The young woman working at the Walmart. She will be so impressed with my thousand likes, she will like have no choice but to go out to dinner with me. She can bring her cat too, cause like; the drive thru at McDonalds doesn’t mind if you bring your cat with you in the car.

Wow. I would feel so popular. It would make my miserable boring life, so much better. Maybe we will get married, have some kids, and get a big house then she can divorce me and take everything I worked so hard to earn. Maybe then my X-girlfriend will feel guilty enough to take me back after her relationship with her girlfriend goes sour. Maybe in ten years down the line. You know? A human can always hope for the best.

Chapter Six
Johnny

I work a full time job doing important stuff for an agency. In the twenty minutes that I take off between Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, I had a hundred thousand flyers printed up that advertise my twitter handle. I don’t really care who goes to it, there is nothing important there. Just stupid posts about the problems with humans going into internet shock. I figure no one watches or they would have noticed by now. Right now I have more important things to be doing than care about how many followers I have. There is some guy selling drugs at grocery stores to people in drag, and ruining cashiers lives every time he goes to the supermarket. We’re working on breaking the guy so he can’t take selfies anymore.

In the meantime, there is like important stuff to be doing, like taking care of my responsibilities to the agency, and I don’t have time to be messing around with how many people care about my twitter feed. You know?